Online Tests

I found a test I took online sometime last year and decided to take it and a few others early this morning.

These are the results:

2013

It would seem I get worse as time goes on.

If you would like to take any of these tests, feel free to contact me and I'll hand over the links to the sites!

Daily Battles in My Life

I'm always fighting myself.

Every day.

I always have to fight the negative trying to surface inside me.

Every fucking day, things get harder.

Do I complain?

FUCK yes.

Of course I'm gonna complain.

I am sick and tired of all the pain, negativity, negative feelings, and everything else inside me.

I especially hate my self-hatred.

But you know what?

I keep fuckin' fighting.

Y'know why?

'Cause I'm not about to let all those things win and have their way with me, with my LIFE.

Just because I hate everything about my life--the expectations, the bitching, the yelling, the people I hate--doesn't mean I'm going to give up. 

I have found reason to live each and every day.

Certain people keep me going.

Certain activities.

My pets.

Any animals.

Cute little kids.

Some of my relatives.

I'm not gonna stop fighting until I lose all that.

And y'know what?

Even then, I likely won't stop fighting.

Instead, I'll be fighting to get everything back.

I refuse to let the bad in my life win over me.

And you know what?

You shouldn't either.

Creativity in French Class

This is part of an assignment I did for French class last semester.

To my surprise, everyone thought I was still reading stuff I got from the Internet. But no, my thoughts are clearly in here.

It's in both French and English, so enjoy~

(In bold is what I took from the Internet.)

Roland Barthes Questions

1. "In 1865, young Lewis Payne tried to assassinate Secretary of State W.H. Seward. Alexander Gardner photographed him in his cell, where he was waiting to be hanged. The photograph is handsome, as is the boy: that is the studium. [Author's note: Barthes' term for a process of perception which doesn't have an immediate effect, meaning is not apprehended in an instant.] But the punctum [the opposite of the studium - immediacy, almost shock at the recognition of meaning] is: he is going to die. I read at the same time: This will be and this has been; I observe with horror an anterior future of which death is at stake. By giving me the absolute past of the pose the photograph tells me death in the future. What pricks me is the discovery of this equivalence. In front of the photograph of my mother as a child, I tell myself: she is going to die: I shudder, like Winnicott's psychotic patient, over a catastrophe which has already occurred. Whether or not the subject is already dead, every photograph is this catastrophe." (Barthes 96)

I think that the meaning of this photo lies within Lewis' expression. He seems calm and thoughtful, even though he has been sentenced to die three days into the future. He doesn't seem to regret what he's done, or rather not done, but instead, he completely accepts that his choice led him down a path that would bring his life to an end at a young age. All he's doing is reflecting on his life, possibly regretting that he didn't do all the things he'd wanted to with his life while he had the chance, maybe even just missing the normal things he used to do every day.

Je pense que la signification de cette photo se trouve dans l'expression de Lewis . Il semble calme et réfléchie , même si il a été condamné à mourir trois jours dans le futur . Il ne semble pas regretter ce qu'il a fait , ou plutôt ne se fait pas , mais à la place , il accepte totalement que son choix l'a conduit dans une voie qui amènerait sa vie à une extrémité à un jeune âge . Tout ce qu'il fait se reflète sur sa vie , peut-être en regrettant qu'il n'ait pas faire toutes les choses qu'il avait voulu de sa vie , alors qu'il a eu la chance , peut-être même manquant de peu les choses normales qu'il a utilisé pour faire tous les jours.

On the other hand, Lewis may not truly realize that he's going to die three days from the day this photo was taken. He could just be waiting for someone to come tell him he could go home and that his almost-crime would be forgotten. He could be under the assumption that a friend or associate was about to walk into the room at any second to take him away from the dreary, boring place he was forced into. This could all be just a big waste of time in his eyes, and he's angry that it's taking a long time for him to be released.

D'autre part , Lewis ne peut pas vraiment se rendre compte qu'il va mourir trois jours de la journée cette photo a été prise . Il pourrait juste être attend que quelqu'un vienne lui dire qu'il pouvait rentrer à la maison et que son presque - crime serait oublié . Il pourrait être dans l'hypothèse où un ami ou un associé était sur ​​le point d'entrer dans la salle à tout instant de l'emmener loin de l'endroit triste, ennuyeux, il a été contraint à l'. Tout cela pourrait être juste une grosse perte de temps dans ses yeux, et il est en colère parce que cela prend beaucoup de temps pour qu'il soit libéré.

What If

What if what I'm seeing isn't really here?

What if all I see is what I want to see, or maybe, what I need to see?

What if this isn't me?

What if this isn't my life?

What if I'm actually in a coma, lying comatose in a hospital bed?

And what if, in this bed, I let my soul escape my body?

What if my soul left my body and escaped to this one so I could live a different life? Not necessarily a better one, but a life more free?

What if?

Who knows what if.

And who the hell cares?

I don't know my way back, and you don't either.

So let's all just sit back and enjoy the life and body we're in while we can.

Maybe everything I experience is just a dream.
Maybe it's not.
But whatever it is, I know I'm going to make the best of it while I can.